What’s the first rule of blogging? You don’t talk about blogging…
Actually, that’s not in the least bit true. I’ve just stuck it in there because it’s late in the afternoon, I’m seriously sleep deprived, and making awkward, meaningless references to 90s Brad Pitt movies is the kind of thing I do when I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for several days straight, but still can’t convince anyone to let me drip hot wax all over their quivering naked flesh…
Um. Sorry. Wrong blog.
I did mention I’m sleep deprived, didn’t I?
See, the Fight Club reference would work if this post were in any way about Fighting, or Clubs, or Fight Clubs, or movies with Brad Pitt in them where he takes his shirt off or indeed, anything vaguely relevant to such matters. Except it’s not. And the fact is, bloggers talk about blogging all the bloody time. You can’t shut most of them up. In fact, some of them keep going on and on about it to the point where I’m prepared to sick a paranoid schizophrenic Brad Pitt/Fight Club/Tyler Durden guy (without his shirt) on them just to shut them up, and maybe he can do that thing with the battery acid on the back of the hand, and they’ll all wail and promise to never speak of such matters again, and…
Oh. I’ve wandered down tangent lane again, haven’t I? I did tell you about the lack of sleep, right?
Apparently, though, one of the actual rules about blogging – because there are lots, so I’m told, though I didn’t realise this when I started out, I just figured it was only a matter of learning the technology, then sticking up a bunch of words into the public domain on a semi-regular basis, more fool me – is that you don’t talk “Hiatus” or “Break” or apologise for not having posted for ages either. You don’t pause in the content production, nor do you post about it if you do. Should you dare even let a little slip through, the global blogging police – dark and shadowy figures in big long black coats and a tendancy to play Cluedo when bored, or alternatively, Barrel of Monkeys – will come and get you and withdraw all online blogging rights, or something.
See, if you blog, then damn well blog, goddammit. No excuses now.
Hey, I can see the reasoning. If you’re a blogger, then that assumes that you are actually regularly blogging, not just letting your site sit about online like a lazy uni student, stretched out on the couch at 2am eating salt-and-viniger chips while watching bad late night sci-fi and complaining how the university has it in for them because they dared schedule classes for Friday, and before midday, what’s more. (Or was that just me? What can I say – I was an arts student.)
If you’re a blogger, then you’re blog has to be a lean, mean, word-crunching machine that’s spitting them out there and pushing them on and just generally displaying your wordsmithy prowess to the online reading public in general. Or so I’m told is the first rule of blogging. But then again, as we’ve all noted before, I’m not a particularly good blogger and this isn’t a particularly good blog. Posts are too long, I don’t post regularly enough, there’s no real central theme but is just whatever I feel like crapping on about on any particular day – because we all know the internet just doesn’t have enough unsolicited opinion espoused in unstructured rants out there for all to see – and even the humour is patchy and entirely unreliable.
And don’t even get me started on the dreadful font size.
So when somebody tells me the first rule of blogging is to make sure you are, well, actually blogging, then my natural instinct is to tell them to go shove their regular, well-crafted, thoughtful and intelligent, visually wonderful blogs up their proverbials and choke on them, while the black cyber-ink poison trendrils suchs the nutrients out of their withered judgemental souls…
…sleep. Oh gods. I really need to get some sleep…
Anyway. It’s not that they’re wrong. It’s just that I don’t care. This is my blog and it exists for my amusement only and if you come here and occasional have a gander at the words, then that’s your problem, don’t come crying to me afterwards.
See, all this is my way of saying that if I’m a wee bit slower than usual getting the blogs out at the moment, then so be it. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. I’m busy. Live with it.
Which does not in any way whatsoever mean that I am going away. Oooh no, you don’t get off that easily, my little crawling wonders. Unlike what may have elsewhere been suggested – *ahem* – I am not about to “take a break”. Sure, paid words will always take precedence over the self-indulgent unpaid games I play on this blog, and the long-fiction project of priority is currently sucking up the bulk of my writing time to the exclusion of all else, including food, conversation and fresh air, but that doesn’t mean I’ve disappeared. Oh no indeedy, my freaky friends of the internet, I am still here, still haunting the shadows and loitering around the dark spaces of online, wrapped up in my tight leather trench-coat and looking suspicious with a nasty grin and a flogger at the hip, all the while sucking on a boiled lolly.
(Are you sure I can’t sleep yet?)
And just to prove I’m still here and still blogging, even if I am a little slower and less prolific than usual, I’ve written an entire blog post about it.
So just be patient. I’m posting, I’m blogging, even if not as much as usual. You know your bad Aunty Kath wouldn’t leave you all alone out there in the untamed wilds of the interwebs, now, don’t you..?
‘Till next, folks…